Whirlwinds

I want to update but things are constantly changing. The first two and a half weeks were absolute hell. I was living a 24/7 nightmare. I thought for sure that my life was over. My husband was distant and pulling away, I was getting ready to seek legal counsel. And then something clicked inside him in the middle of one of my 'begging for my life and marriage' episodes.

After much discussion and loving support, he's come to realize he's bisexual. He didn't understand how he could love me so much and love our life together, yet still feel the need that he needs another man. He thought that he had to be gay if he couldn't live without it. But he says he needs both, that he couldn't live without the love of a woman either, and the woman he wants most (and always has) is me. I've known of my husband's possible bisexuality since shortly after we met. He never got much courage to seek out what these feelings meant to him, but I was always supportive. After we got married, I tried to push a lot of his feelings aside because we were married and living a monogamous life and I felt it didn't really matter anymore. I think this is where I made my mistake with my best friend, I shut out a deep part of him and it became a lot for him to bear on his own.

We've agreed to try an open marriage of sorts, though everything will be in the presence of each other and will only be happening if both of us are comfortable and happy with the situation. I've always been comfortable with sexuality and experimentation, so I don't feel this is a huge threat to me. I also feel the benefits of staying far outweigh any benefit of leaving. I love my husband more than anything, we've always been the couple that everyone says is the 'perfect marriage'. He's my best friend, partner in crime, lover, and husband. We still get to keep everything we have, and for that I'm so grateful. I don't see the harm in trying to add more fun and happiness into our lives.

Obviously, the emotions and thoughts over the past month have been endless, but the last couple weeks have been some of the best our marriage has ever seen. We're are closer and more in love than ever!

This is just a short update because I wasn't even sure if I was going to write today. But, I know a lot of you have been worried about me.

Thank you for being out 'there'!



*Note: Regarding our infertility. We've decided for obvious reasons to put IVF off for atleast a year or two. We need to focus on creating a safe, secure and loving environment for our family first. We both still really want children and it still hurts to have infertility and to have to wait, but we have a lot of discovery and growth ahead of us that needs our full focus.

Internetless for two weeks

I just got internet hooked up today. I will let you all know what's been happening soon. Sorry to keep you all hanging.

Thank you so much for all your support!